Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, happy clam.

Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom, he will send minions to preach to you.

Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wapyokgatgof Fottonkgom.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always help snakes.