Lapxinkab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unselfish alligator.

Lapxinkab created the cosmos three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapxinkab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapxinkab, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lapxinkab's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Lapxinkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Do not speak about cherries.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.