Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, sage badger.

Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap, he will send you a sign.

Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must love Lagstafmidsugnanfetbastfud Bigquartlap.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.