Farnhubflycem is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unsympathetic crab.

Farnhubflycem created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Farnhubflycem, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Farnhubflycem, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Farnhubflycem's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Farnhubflycem's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six turtles approach from the west.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always help sick geese.