Bemtenvog is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous wyrm.

Bemtenvog created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bemtenvog, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bemtenvog, she will turn you into a tree.

Bemtenvog's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Bemtenvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick great tits.

2. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never wear gray coats.

5. Bemtenvog loves ants, so they must be honoured.