Futgeb Butkarjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, resourceful porpoise.

Futgeb Butkarjarn created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futgeb Butkarjarn, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Futgeb Butkarjarn, she will turn you into a tree.

Futgeb Butkarjarn's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Futgeb Butkarjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Futgeb Butkarjarn on top of all buildings.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

4. Futgeb Butkarjarn must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Worship no other gods but Futgeb Butkarjarn.