Gabfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unfair dingo.

Gabfoss created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabfoss, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gabfoss, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Gabfoss' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Gabfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four squirrels approach from the east.

2. Hide if eight hamsters approach from the west.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not take Gabfoss' name in vain.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.