Padrutnib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, amazing gorilla.

Padrutnib created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Padrutnib, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Padrutnib, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Padrutnib's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Padrutnib's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five moths approach from the north.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always help sick hamsters.

4. Never wear black shoes.

5. Do not covet oxen.