Bam is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, selfish gnu.

Bam created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bam, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bam, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bam's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Bam on top of all buildings.

4. Hide from turquoise whales for they are unholy.

5. Always stare at clouds.