Nanteenwad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, merciless porpoise.

Nanteenwad created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nanteenwad, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nanteenwad, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nanteenwad's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Nanteenwad's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nanteenwad.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.