Fadquagappken is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, dishonourable hummingbird.

Fadquagappken created tapeworms nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fadquagappken, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fadquagappken, he will curse you with boils.

Fadquagappken's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Fadquagappken's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Fadquagappken loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Never feed pineapples to bats while wearing blue hats.

5. Never hurt capybaras.