Futbabnell is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, egotistical squid.

Futbabnell created the Milkyway seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futbabnell, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Futbabnell, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Futbabnell's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Futbabnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt bats.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Futbabnell loves whales, so they must be honoured.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.