Begveenmad is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, happy gnu.

Begveenmad created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begveenmad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Begveenmad, he will be very unhappy.

Begveenmad's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Begveenmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

5. Always obey Begveenmad's priests.