Laplamdog is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, tranquil dolphin.

Laplamdog created an atom two billion years ago.

If you believe in Laplamdog, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Laplamdog, she will jump up and down on your head.

Laplamdog's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Laplamdog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not hurt shrews.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about squirrels.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.