Timlunwon is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, humorless hydra.

Timlunwon created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timlunwon, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Timlunwon, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Timlunwon's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Timlunwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick rats.

2. Always help snails in need.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Never talk about fire.