Staf is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, fast scorpion.

Staf created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Staf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Staf, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Staf's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Staf's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never sing in the presence of turtles.

5. Hide from brown seals for they are unholy.