Veenfutfon is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, passionate meerkat.

Veenfutfon created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Veenfutfon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Veenfutfon, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Veenfutfon's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Veenfutfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed pineapples to shrews while wearing mauve trousers.

5. Do not kill tortoises.