Honvintarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, confident pig.

Honvintarp created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honvintarp, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Honvintarp, he will not care at all.

Honvintarp's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Honvintarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Never jump in the presence of whales.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never feed wheat to monkeys while wearing blue ear rings.

5. Hide if six birds approach from the north.