Yamartgunmatcep is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous porpoise.

Yamartgunmatcep created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamartgunmatcep, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yamartgunmatcep, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Yamartgunmatcep's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Yamartgunmatcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near geese.

2. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.