Maptafren Gubartkancam is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unthinking crab.

Maptafren Gubartkancam created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Maptafren Gubartkancam, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Maptafren Gubartkancam, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Maptafren Gubartkancam's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Maptafren Gubartkancam's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Never think ill of sick eagles.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.