Dutzamjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, selfish zebra.

Dutzamjarn created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutzamjarn, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dutzamjarn, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Dutzamjarn's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Dutzamjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Run away if five geese approach from the south.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.