Lopsitvabkoncin is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unfair cow.

Lopsitvabkoncin created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Lopsitvabkoncin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lopsitvabkoncin, he will turn you into a tree.

Lopsitvabkoncin's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Lopsitvabkoncin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never hurt badgers.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Lopsitvabkoncin loves great tits, so they must be respected.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.