Zantaplin is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, omnipotent donkey.

Zantaplin created oxygen two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zantaplin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zantaplin, she will be very unhappy.

Zantaplin's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Zantaplin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet blue.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never eat figs.

5. You must never eat rice.