Wotarnvid Kenlamtif is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonest grasshopper.

Wotarnvid Kenlamtif created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wotarnvid Kenlamtif, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wotarnvid Kenlamtif, she will jump up and down on your head.

Wotarnvid Kenlamtif's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Wotarnvid Kenlamtif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

2. Do not take Wotarnvid Kenlamtif's name in vain.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.