Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless hydra.

Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop created a quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop, it will destroy your home planet.

Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat rice.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Put Nartflan Nibhugponflamjabraw Riparmjop first in all things.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.