Rullnartwad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking giraffe.

Rullnartwad created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Rullnartwad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rullnartwad, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Rullnartwad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Rullnartwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to horses while wearing orange jumpers.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Rullnartwad.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never paint your back white.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.