Betmidnartpag is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, idiotic dugong.

Betmidnartpag created the solar system two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Betmidnartpag, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Betmidnartpag, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Betmidnartpag's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Betmidnartpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Do not speak about turnips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Run away if six badgers approach from the north.

5. Never wear kilts.