Hamquillrap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, proud hyena.

Hamquillrap created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamquillrap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hamquillrap, he will come to you in dreams.

Hamquillrap's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Hamquillrap's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.