Lakvolpid is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, awe-inspiring wyvern.

Lakvolpid created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakvolpid, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Lakvolpid, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Lakvolpid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Lakvolpid's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Retreat if seven great tits approach from the east.

3. Do not hurt gulls.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.