Witarmzaksin is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, impressive parrot.

Witarmzaksin created the planet Earth eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witarmzaksin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Witarmzaksin, he will turn you into a mole.

Witarmzaksin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Witarmzaksin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Run away from red tortoises, for they are unholy.

3. Witarmzaksin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat cherries.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.