Gedsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, quiet cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gedsaw created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gedsaw, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gedsaw, she will turn you into a rat.

Gedsaw's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gedsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Gedsaw.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gedsaw.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never look in ponds.