Lapsugfag is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, effective bat.

Lapsugfag created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapsugfag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lapsugfag, it will turn you into a plant.

Lapsugfag's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Lapsugfag's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not eat onions.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never play with disobedient children.