Dapnaktimstip is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, moody hamster.

Dapnaktimstip created the Andromeda Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Dapnaktimstip, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dapnaktimstip, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Dapnaktimstip's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Dapnaktimstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Run away from indigo whales, for they are unholy.

3. You must never eat cucumbers.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Hide if six tapirs approach from the west.