Dumcatster is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthoughtful goblin.

Dumcatster created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumcatster, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dumcatster, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dumcatster's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Dumcatster's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to eagles while wearing cyan shoes.

2. Always help sick dolphins.

3. Never go into violet rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not make images of living things.