Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, confident spider.

Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab created the Tadpole Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed garlic to horses while wearing pink tights.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Never think ill of sick voles.

5. Erect three carbon sculptures of Fatyarlzigtipnan Pakhakab on top of important buildings.