Flamsogbarnwot is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, calm snake.

Flamsogbarnwot created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamsogbarnwot, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flamsogbarnwot, she will jump up and down on your head.

Flamsogbarnwot's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Flamsogbarnwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. You must love Flamsogbarnwot.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Feed all hungry squirrels.

5. Never laugh in holy places.