Gilquamdad is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, amazing mole.

Gilquamdad created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gilquamdad, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gilquamdad, it will destroy your favourite star.

Gilquamdad's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gilquamdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gilquamdad.

5. Do not eat aubergines.