Gatzagbep is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, stupid crab.

Gatzagbep created an atom nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatzagbep, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gatzagbep, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gatzagbep's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Gatzagbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Never go into brown rooms.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Do not kill seals.