Motquamjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, unfair manatee.

Motquamjarn created a bottom quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Motquamjarn, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Motquamjarn, it will refuse to believe in you.

Motquamjarn's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Motquamjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never hurt manatees.

5. Always look after injured grasshopers.