Volzakgar Mapfudged is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, ill-tempered owl.

Volzakgar Mapfudged created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Volzakgar Mapfudged, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Volzakgar Mapfudged, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Volzakgar Mapfudged's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Volzakgar Mapfudged's Holy Commandments

1. Volzakgar Mapfudged loves whales, so they must be honoured.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Hide from green seals for they are unholy.

4. Never wear violet boots.

5. Always treat tapirs with great respect.