Bapcinhak is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, emotional aardvark.

Bapcinhak created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapcinhak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapcinhak, she will cry a lot.

Bapcinhak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Bapcinhak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

2. Never think ill of sick mites.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate moths.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.