Kempinbif is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, resourceful frog.

Kempinbif created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kempinbif, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kempinbif, he will be very unhappy.

Kempinbif's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Kempinbif's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always wear blue.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.