Tikbunciss is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, uncaring clam.

Tikbunciss created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikbunciss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tikbunciss, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tikbunciss' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tikbunciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Hide from yellow squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Hide if five nematodes approach from the north.