Habwitrow is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, wise walrus.

Habwitrow created Mount Everest nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Habwitrow, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Habwitrow, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Habwitrow's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Habwitrow's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never mention manatees.

3. Always treat snails with great respect.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not stand on grass.