Jipfedgem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome lobster.

Jipfedgem created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipfedgem, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jipfedgem, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Jipfedgem's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Jipfedgem's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never laugh in the presence of nematodes.