Tiksigvonkarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring parrot.

Tiksigvonkarp created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Tiksigvonkarp, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tiksigvonkarp, he will think nothing of it.

Tiksigvonkarp's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Tiksigvonkarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silicon on your body.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never run in the presence of geese.

5. Always help sick squirrels.