Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog is a god.

It takes the form of a large, irritating pig.

Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog created the Sun eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog, it will come to you in dreams.

Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Govbetvonkkaplargcaddog's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo snakes for they are unholy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never go into red rooms.

4. Never wear fawn shirts.

5. Do not cook food in pots.