Tonkquamomin is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unfair deer.

Tonkquamomin created a down quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkquamomin, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonkquamomin, he will cry a lot.

Tonkquamomin's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tonkquamomin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Run away if six gulls approach from the west.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Never mention seals.