Padcimnad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unfair slug.

Padcimnad created water two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padcimnad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Padcimnad, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Padcimnad's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Padcimnad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Padcimnad.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not cook food in pots.