Gofjamtam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, deceitful hippopotamus.

Gofjamtam created the Andromeda Galaxy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofjamtam, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gofjamtam, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gofjamtam's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gofjamtam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry gulls.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not listen to music.